Lauren - Ballard, Downtown Seattle, Shoreline 2008-14

Your Name

Lauren

Gender

Female

Which describes your role at Mars Hill?

Regular Attender

What Mars Hill location(s) did you attend?

Ballard, Downtown Seattle, Shoreline

What years were you involved / attending?

2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014

How did you first hear about Mars Hill?

I actually first heard of Mars Hill when the local paper did an article about it and the Driscoll family. It was 1998 and I was in 7th grade. I didn't start attending until I was in college though and didn't become a member until I was married in 2010.

What was the circumstance of your first time attending Mars HIll?

I was a high school junior and the churches served as a concert venue. My first sermon was as a high school senior and I went with my older brother. He and his wife were members.

What were your first impressions?

I thought it was great. It was hip, engaging, compelling, and unapologetic. A far cry from the PCUSA church I grew up in.

Why was Mars Hill your church home?

Because it didn't shy away from proclaiming biblical truths. In a city so anti-Christianity it was refreshing to feel empowered by my faith instead of constantly beaten down and criticized for it. MH's focus on community was unlike anything I had ever seen. The intentionality behind it was incredible. Growing up as a Christian in the PNW was not easy, finding a place like MH was a game changer.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a positive impact on you?

Honestly, most of it. I have made some incredible lasting relationships with people. I have learned what intentional community looks like. I have learned to be bold, and courageous. I have learned good biblical theology which has left me so much more equipped to share the gospel with others.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a negative impact on you?

Mars Hill burst the bubble of naivety i would have liked to keep. I have already learned that Jesus is bigger than the church. I have already experienced the disappointment of failed leadership so in that regard nothing that went down at MH was new to me. It didn't rock my faith or belief in the church. I was already passed that stage in my walk. It did however force me to be more discerning when it comes to who I follow and who I listen to. I can't give a pastor the benefit of the doubt any longer. That sucks. It sucks that people are sinners and it sucks that no one (or profession) is safe from that. Mars Hill left me with scars when it comes to trusting those in biblical leadership over me. I hate that.

What would you like to have changed about Mars Hill?

That there had been more transparency. It wasn't like all the members of MH were brain dead lemmings. I honestly had no idea that so much of this crap was going on. If I had (if many of us had) this history of bullying and abuse would never have gone on so long. Transparency leads
To accountability. Which MH clearly didn't have.

Which describes you?

I left Mars Hill prior to closure.

Please describe why you left Mars Hill and what that experience was like.

It was awful. I felt stranded and disconnected in a way I hadn't felt since we joined MH. Looking for a new church was one of the hardest years of my adult life. It all felt so unnecessary. Like this all could have been avoided.

How would you describe the reason for Mars Hill's closure to an outsider.

That it was a lot less juicy and exciting than it looked from the outside. The pastoral calling is a high one, it leaves a lot of room to fall. Mark Driscoll fell and he fell hard. Mars Hill was a church whose leader failed. He failed to lead, he failed to love, he failed to repent. That's what happened. Any further detail is gossip to an outsider because the details don't matter. There are a myriad of sins that could have disqualified MD from being a pastor. The specific ones he committed were immaterial to the outcome.

What's changed for you since your time at Mars Hill came to an end?

Not much. We found a new church, had another baby, we moved on with our life. We still love Jesus and we are still in Christian community. My faith and life were and are much bigger than Mark Driscoll and Mars Hill. This wasn't the first ministry I watched fail due to corruption and it may not be the last. We move on and stop dwelling on the sins of someone else. We remember and cling to the truth that Jesus is bigger than all this which is why we put our trust in him and not man.

Please write anything else you'd like to add.

I still pray that the heart of Mark Driscoll be softened. We are all called to repentance and it sucks to watch a brother in the faith sit in stubbornness. I will not hold my breath but reconciliation would be wonderful.

Sonja - Ballard 1996-2011


Your Name

Sonja

Gender

Female

Which describes your role at Mars Hill?

Member, Group Leader (any leadership role)

What Mars Hill location(s) did you attend?

Ballard

What years were you involved / attending?

1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011

How did you first hear about Mars Hill?

Really don't remember.  I'm a 5 point Calvinist and I think, just maybe, MHC was already in TGC.

What was the circumstance of your first time attending Mars HIll?

Left a previous church -- a Calvary Chapel and not my soteriology.

What were your first impressions?

Loved it.  Was embraced and welcomed.

Why was Mars Hill your church home?

I honestly didn't care for the teaching.  It wasn't expository as advertised, but really connected with the other attendees.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a positive impact on you?

My gifts were valued and used.  I was challenged out of my comfort zone and by grace I grew in faith.  Not only was I impacted positively, I believe I had the opportunity to impact others positively.  Not through community groups but by deacons on staff.  They all left long before I did.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a negative impact on you?

Mark's building his own tower of Babel.  

What would you like to have changed about Mars Hill?

Having a teaching pastor that was not syncretic.  Driscoll never seemed to get beyond his RCC upbringing.  Not only that -- he wanted an empire and to be a dictator.

Which describes you?

I left Mars Hill prior to closure.

Please describe why you left Mars Hill and what that experience was like.

Mark Driscoll once said he never wanted anyone at MCH to defend him.  That changed, or he simply stopped lying.  He wanted himself defended.  It was never "all about Jesus" -- that was a fraud, it always was about Mark.  He has a very low view of God and His holy standard.

Good friends defend him to this day -- not only defend him, but have elevated a fallen man to their own little god.  It was encouraged when I left.     

How would you describe the reason for Mars Hill's closure to an outsider.

NI don't believe it was closed to outsiders since it was all about numbers. Things changed a lot whereby back in the day, people were interviewed as to their salvation (that's vague, sorry).  Then no one cared if a new professing Christian had a clue who He is and what He did.  That I know as a fact, having "interviewed" people who wanted to be baptised.  If they breathed, they were ready to "confess" Christ.  Not a clue.

What's changed for you since your time at Mars Hill came to an end?

Great question!  I was brought to a deep repentance along with shame over having been so deceived.  God is SO good!  Matt. 24:24 came alive for me:

"For false christs and false prophets will arise and perform great signs and wonders, so as to lead astray, if possible, even the elect."

IF POSSIBLE ... even the elect.  It's not possible.  He brought me out of Babylon and away from people I trusted who wanted to bring destruction to me.  I pray for them.  If I heard one more person say "Mark has saved so many".  Oh please.

Please write anything else you'd like to add.

Good questions.  I'm over it.  I grew a lot, not because of Driscoll but in spite of him and grateful for that.  The wonderful people who were on staff at Ballard truly love Jesus and HIs Word.  I grew because of them.  When they left, I stopped growing and was offended by Driscoll's blaspheming His Word and elevating himself.  

I ignored this for 2 years, but Phil brought me out.

http://www.gty.org/Resources/Articles/A362

Thanks for the opportunity to give voice.  Driscoll is a dangerous man.  He bends like a reed in the wind, wanting to apologize to Osteen (who hasn't a clue who he is) but disdains those who destroyed.  He's reinventing himself and so few listen in this new arena.  Nor do they want to listen.  They believe he's God's anointed and so do people from MH.  :(

Barry - Downtown Seattle 2012-14

Your Name

Barry

Gender

Male

Which describes your role at Mars Hill?

Regular Attender

What Mars Hill location(s) did you attend?

Downtown Seattle

What years were you involved / attending?

2012, 2013, 2014

How did you first hear about Mars Hill?

It was recommended to me by a pastor in Denver

What was the circumstance of your first time attending Mars Hill?

I attended the Ballard location for the first time.  All I could remember was that the church was big.

What were your first impressions?

It was in mind too big and impersonal for my taste.

Why was Mars Hill your church home?

Over the next couple of years, I determined I wanted to be a part of the church, so I started attending the (then Belltown) downtown location.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a positive impact on you?

I served in the children's ministry.  I met a bunch of lasting friends that he either led or been in community groups, or had been in the Children's ministry.  It was wonderful sharing God's work with fellow believers.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a negative impact on you?

It became too big, too fast.  And I really did not like the pre-recorded sermons.  Where Mark taught from Ballard or Belleview, or overseas.

What would you like to have changed about Mars Hill?

Have each location doing live-preaching.

Which describes you?

I left Mars Hill prior to closure.

Please describe why you left Mars Hill and what that experience was like.

I just did not trust Mark.  He was too distant.  I was also spiritually lazy.  

How would you describe the reason for Mars Hill's closure to an outsider.

I really was not devastated.  I left before I invested too much time or energy into the church.

What's changed for you since your time at Mars Hill came to an end?

I started attending Downtown Cornerstone Church.  I got involved there.

Please write anything else you'd like to add.

I am saddened that MH Church crumbled.  That Mark Driscoll remains unrepentant (as far as I know).  It was a great church.  And it fell hard.  I pray for all who were hurt from the fall.

Shawn Nickerson 2009-13

Your Name

Shawn Nickerson

Gender

Male

Which describes your role at Mars Hill?

Group Leader (any leadership role)

What Mars Hill location(s) did you attend?

Bellevue

What years were you involved / attending?

2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013

How did you first hear about Mars Hill?

Podcasts and a few friends from college had been attending.

What was the circumstance of your first time attending Mars HIll?

My wife and I had been looking for a church since we moved to the area.

What were your first impressions?

I was confused why there were so many candles and black curtains, and the video sermon took me back, but Mark's words captured my attention, it was powerful.

Why was Mars Hill your church home?

Because of the relationships I had and the opportunity to love on others.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a positive impact on you?

I have learned an infinite amount about faith through the entire process. I have been able to learn what is important, and become much less self righteous.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a negative impact on you?

I have suffered relationally in the community, I was maligned and the elders told church members to have nothing to do with me. The Real Marriage series placed an unneeded stress on my marriage that heightened expectations where they did not need to be, and I am still reaping the consequences. One particular pastor told me 'shit doesn't flow upstream', and I believed him, that was a horrible mistake.

What would you like to have changed about Mars Hill?

Treat people like people instead of $$

Which describes you?

I left Mars Hill prior to closure.

Please describe why you left Mars Hill and what that experience was like.

I wrote this note to the congregation on June 11, 2013 shortly before my city account was deleted.

Family,
I am writing to let you know that my family and I are retracting our membership at Mars Hill Church. I want you to know this from me so there is little room for confusion.

You need to know that this decision is not made lightly. We LOVE you. You have been in our home, in our lives and hearts, and I pray that does not cease because of this decision.

We have had doubts about MHB being the most effective place for us to make disciples, primarily because a disagreement on ecclesiology, how we do church. My heart is to pour into brothers and sisters on a personal, loving basis, and as we do that our love for Christ and each other overflows into the community and our circles of influence. We are each called to be missionaries, not to only engage in service to make an attractional Sunday gathering operate. I love and appreciate you for the countless hours you serve the body, but I say that knowing you aren't equipped as well as you should be to be missionaries on the weekdays. I say this to outline the difference of opinion, not to critique.

I recently voiced this concern along with a desire to promote a culture that embraces questions as a family, instead of hushing with fear. It is undeniable that we as a church have a reputation for doing that. Katy and I were considering leaving the church. I was forthcoming with this fact. With trepidation, I sat down with Pastor AJ and Darin Ault, (on Thursday of this last week), who heard me out with patience and lovingly recommended that I should not leave, that it would hurt the church, and we could work together for reconciliation. I was told I would be able to come to church on Sunday and have my membership and leadership role fully intact. I was touched by the meeting and genuinely prayed about it with Katy. I was given a deadline of Monday to respond whether or not I would be staying.

The next day, Friday, I attended a Head Coach meeting, where several of the men repented to me for speaking ill of me behind my back, and not loving me in a Pastoral way. I was really excited to see the Holy Spirit moving in this way! I expressed a desire to continue on as a member and servant in the church.

Pastor Josh offered to start meeting with me to be a support and work some of these questions out.

I worshipped with you and the body on Sunday at the 12:30 service, where several of the elders looked me in the eye and shook my hand, but had not real interactions with me.

I arrived on Monday morning expecting to to see Josh, but both he and Darin were there there. After some chit chat, I am informed that I have been removed from all 'positional leadership', under the reason of 'redemptive care'. This entire time, no sins have been brought against me other than having 'horrible timing and a shitty tone of voice', which was addressed by no one other than AJ. To say the least, I was stunned and confused. I left that meeting with a very nebulous plan of meeting up with Josh, and taking an undetermined break from any and all leadership roles in the church. I have no desire to take a break, or specific reason to.

I tell you this not because I want vindication, but because I have seen this pattern played out with so many before me, and I am afraid it will continue on with many of you.

A leadership that is not engaged in community, and does not know the people can not shepherd well. You have been in my home, drank my wine, seen me rejoice and weep. I have lived truthfully and transparently among you.

My genuine desire has been to love the church of Christ for the longest time. I always thought that I would pursue vocational ministry, and have a strong desire and calling to plant a church. That is the next step in our journey. Katy and I are planning to plant a church here in Bellevue in the coming months. We will be meeting in our home for the next few months.

I pray for you! I pray for Christ's church! For the leaders at MH, that there would be repentance and true relationship. I will likely be spoken of poorly after this message is seen, and in the time after we are gone. While that grieves me, it grieves me even more to see people go unloved or half loved. My heart is to see you loved and cared for well, and I hope to spark a conversation.

I still plan to meet with the MHB elders to listen and receive instruction from them for where they believe I have sinned, and will take that with great gravity. I have been removed from all groups on the city as of today, so you are no longer able to contact me there.

I don't pretend to be perfect. You know me, flaws, failures, highs lows and successes. I pray you will seek to live out in community in bold ways that glorify Jesus as the end game, not yourself or an organization.
Be a disciple, and disciple others. My home is always open to all of you, and I pray we continue in fellowship for decades to come. Have I sinned against you? Matt 5:23 says we are to not take communion while we have something against, or someone has sinned against us. I don’t believe that we have taken that command seriously enough, and for that I repent. Please call me up for coffee so I can reconcile and we can both be obedient to the Gospel. I would love to talk face to face with you.

Much Love,
Shawn

How would you describe the reason for Mars Hill's closure to an outsider.

After I started asking questions about unscrupulous practices I was 'removed from all positional authority'. I chose to leave after being promised one thing, then lied to by the 'pastors' at Bellevue.

What's changed for you since your time at Mars Hill came to an end?

My church is all of God's people. If Christ has invited anyone to the table who am I to say they are disinvited?

Private 2011-14

Gender

Male

Which describes your role at Mars Hill?

I was one of the above but prefer not to specify.

What Mars Hill location(s) did you attend?

Prefer not to specify

What years were you involved / attending?

2011, 2012, 2013, 2014

How did you first hear about Mars Hill?

I saw Driscoll speak at a conference in the Midwest in 2005, and started following he and Mars Hill with interest from then on.

What was the circumstance of your first time attending Mars HIll?

I started attending the Resurgence Training Center in 2010 after joining the staff of an Acts 29 church in the Midwest. I visited several campuses then and was convinced to help start one of the four campus set to launch the following year as a volunteer lay leader.

What were your first impressions?

When you grow up in the church, have every youth pastor you had (5) affected by sexual sin of some kind, attend Bible College where two of your ministry professors were fired over sexual issues (1 arrested for rape, the other for cheating on wife with a student), and then by some miracle attend and graduate seminary and still want to plant a church for Christ's kingdom, Mars Hill was nothing short of amazing. I loved that they were aggressive and laid heavy burdens on men. It felt like the solution to all the problems I'd experienced and felt my faith had barely survived. I just knew sexual sins wouldn't compromise the leadership in this ministry context, that it would get dealt with. But where sexual sin was killed, pride in many forms was nurtured to a full bloom. Something about the type of grace that was taught there had a dark flip side.

Why was Mars Hill your church home?

I touched on it above, but I also felt called to be married and I knew marriage was taken seriously at Mars Hill. I did indeed meet my wife and had robust support for our dating, engagement and early marriage. I also appreciated the preaching and the systems I saw as correctives to pretty much all of my church experiences until that time. There were an abnormal number of people becoming Christians (though since its demise I've seen a number of the ones I saw make decisions leave the faith, very sad and casts shadow on methods we used). At the time it looked and felt like the total package, and the first time I felt in mission with my church instead on mission to my church.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a positive impact on you?

While I now acknowledge so much of the public teaching on marriage and relationships was misogynistic and domineering, there were truly wonderful, common, Christ loving people, included local pastors and staff for sure, who had beautiful marriages and lives and really invested in me and my wife. I still thank God for that, and maintain these relationships to the best or my ability, and did so even in the midst of stark disagreements over what I found to be a cult of Driscoll.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a negative impact on you?

I fundamentally changed my professional life due to the mentorship I received at Mars Hill, all the while volunteering full time while having rediscover my career away from home. When I couldn't pull it all off with the ease of Jordan fadeaway, and sought outside counsel from a local A29 pastor who encouraged me to slow down, I was made to feel implicitly like a failure and explicitly like a threat because I talked to someone outside Mars Hill (this has been resolved in direct communication post demise, I mention here for clarity, honesty and context). My new relationship at the time was just starting so I took my beating like a good Mars Hill man in process and made the best of it. After getting married and finally landing a decent job (key to being accepted as a lay elder) I tried to reinsert myself as a volunteer leader (beyond membership class and leading a home group). I was then able to see how far out of favor I had fallen. I was processing the reality of that just when the clothes begin to rapidly leave the emperor's body. These personal situations mixed with the public debacle had a profound impact on me. My faith in Christ, and my belief in the viability and possibility of healthy organic churches did not waver, but I felt extraordinary hurt, unsure of how to protect my new wife (from our...friends?), and foolish. When elders past and present begin releasing information and I was able to see how many of them were treated, including watching one of my good friends treated very poorly and being asked to help the establishment smooth things over with him, I was devastated.

What would you like to have changed about Mars Hill?

Many things in hindsight like everyone else. But I honestly believe one simple and key thing would have made all the difference. As bad as things got, as dark as it was and still feels, honesty from all the pastors, and not just those who risked their jobs and reputations, would have made all the difference. Obviously, Driscoll could have resolved this himself. He could have kept Mars Hill, but not control, and keeping control won and is winning the day. All is forgiven, but the healing from that releasing control would have been profound. I knew and still know too many folks who were waiting and wanting restoration for it to come to abandonment and closure. Mars Hill church was not a cult in my view, but the leadership was. I think that's the simplest summary of what I'd want changed. Cult of leadership gone.

Which describes you?

I left Mars Hill prior to closure.

Please describe why you left Mars Hill and what that experience was like.

After seeing how I had lost favor over not being able to perform as a high capacity volunteer, and then being told I was taking the public breeches to Driscoll’s character too personally, I sought a lot of counsel again. I talked to everyone I knew in A29, and other Mars Hill campuses. The information I got in private, even before elders began releasing info online, was so damning I couldn't sleep for a couple days. I was more connected than most members at my campus because I had been apart of A29 and attended ReTrain. On the last night I prayed and then talked to my wife and we agreed to patiently pursue our calling elsewhere. I was able to find a job related to my original passion quite quickly and took it as a sign. We left as quietly as we could because we watched a number of folks get their reputations smeared if they raised too many issues or didn't accept very basic explanations and pleas to "just trust the leadership." Eventually the some folks at that campus were told their questions were reminiscent of Eve questioning what God had said when talking to the serpent. Really deceptive tactics to deflect questions and maintain the illusion of spiritual authority. I particularly did not want my wife to have to deal with that. Once things did go completely south I privately met or called those who would talk to me, and some went well right away, and many have gone well as time has passed. But the very first time it didn't go well at all, and in subsequent interactions with other leaders of that campus I knew I had been labeled among the dissenting factions, the deceived Eve’s who allowed the serpent (bloggers) to poison our trust in God (Mars Hill's loyal leaders). You stop being greeted with a smile. Over time that changed though. To this day this is the first time I'm saying anything publicly about it even if as anonymously as I can. I still value these relationships and a number of them have started to have PTSD, as for the first time some leaders are feeling a vacuum of meaning in their lives in Driscoll's absence and have come to grips with how busted the leadership culture really was and how it affected them. I'm 100% sympathetic to that, and want to be a peer and a friend. I also know many have not had the freeing opportunity to process how they are feeling openly, particularly pastors of the legacy churches left in the wake of Mars Hill where simple reasons have been supplied for how things went down and robust and ongoing healing is being overlooked in favor of keeping what's left intact while "moving on." If that's you, don't buy that method. If your leadership culture can't handle your need to heal, it is perhaps not the most gospel centered or healthiest place to be.

How would you describe the reason for Mars Hill's closure to an outsider.

I simply say the leadership lied on many issues for many years and denied as much as they thought they could until the literal and bitter end. One of the campus pastors where I was went as far as telling a dissenting member that Jesus lied so it was ok for them to if they had folks best interests at heart. There's much more that was wrong, but that's the root. And ultimately, I stand by what one honest lead pastor said as things were closing, Jesus shut this thing down.

What's changed for you since your time at Mars Hill came to an end?

I've become a better friend to people. I read the accounts here and elsewhere of folks who felt used as members of Mars Hill. I'm so ashamed of that. Friends as long as active volunteers but otherwise not so much. I did that, and had it done to me. This wasn't just a MH thing, many churches seem to be pushing an "intentional friendship" model of basically forcing people into community. At some level this is understandable, but it definitely began to be at the expense of unintentional friendships. Those were often discouraged at collective home group leader meetings as something childish. Too much mission to do for long term naturally-made friends that aren't likely to last anyway. So I reject that for one thing, and feel terrible I ever had it in me to have to reject.

Also, I completely reject Christian celebrity in all its forms. Even pastors and teachers I like and think I still respect, I bristle when I see their stuff go viral. I've unfollowed a lot of these folks on social. When I see grasps for celebrity happening in small ways with friends and at my local church I warn people that I see them reaching for an idol that's not worth it.

I also reject the mega church multi-site model in general. Not a hill I'd die on, mostly because I won't be found on that hill again, Mars or otherwise.

I've had to unmysoginize myself in some ways, to my shame. I'm not looking for a new label for my relationships and roles just yet either.

I'm happier.

Please write anything else you'd like to add.

I responded to this site and respect its purpose because I am still meeting and hearing of people who are really broken and confused for reasons directly related to Mars Hill's influence and don't have anyone to process with. I was in that boat at one point and I felt very confused. It's part of the cycle of spiritual abuse, and though it's no use throwing condemnation around, it's certainly not helpful to bury the pain in a haphazard effort to move on. These events lose their grips as we are able to share in safe community, even if much of that one community is still in many places, and requires the internet to facilitate (some things haven't changed). Jesus is indeed bigger than everything that happened and is happening, positive and negative, with Driscoll and related to Mars Hill. But it's a lie to think that that means Jesus stands above our pain, both from how we treated people trying to be a true Mars Hill approved leader when it failed to be Christ-like, and how we were treated by those leaders. He's here to heal us all, so we can move forward with him even if we never quite "move on" from our scars. He understands scars.