Showing posts with label Shoreline. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Shoreline. Show all posts

Joyce Hawkinson 2001-14

Your Name

Joyce Hawkinson

Gender

Female

Which describes your role at Mars Hill?

Member, Group Leader (any leadership role)

What Mars Hill location(s) did you attend?

Ballard, Lake City / Wedgewood, Shoreline, U-District

What years were you involved / attending?

2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014

How did you first hear about Mars Hill?

My daughter was a student at SPU and told me about a Bible study leader who was being asked to move off campus because he was teaching a traditional role for women that the school didn't want to promote.

What was the circumstance of your first time attending Mars HIll?

I went to the old Paradox in the U-district to hear him teach, and it happened to be the night he first unloaded on young men about how they should value and cherish the women in their lives.  I had recently been strangled by my then-husband, and the contrast between what I had experienced and what he described made me weep.  

What were your first impressions?

He was genuine, honest about his inexperience, funny, and challenged people to live FOR Christ, not just with an awareness of Christ.  He was a little awkward, but said he had confidence that if he told the truth about what God said in the Bible, everything would be alright.  

Why was Mars Hill your church home?

Every week (and during CG) I was challenged to change -- to allow the Word to transform me from within.  The reformed (Calvinist) approach gave me a freedom to love and serve out of gratitude for grace rather than because of duty and shame.  I began to have joy in my salvation for the first time in my life!  I came to love the music, the sound lyrics, and the experience of feeling like I was singing with a band every week.  
It was also the first time I felt like inviting people to church!  I recommended MH to strangers if they were new in town, to relatives, to neighbors.  
I also felt like whatever I did to serve at MH was contributing to bringing people to Christ because lives were being changed.  
The 'gap' in late 2005, 2006 and early 2007 was caused because we lived in CA during that time, and we really missed MH and Mark Driscoll's preaching.  When we moved back, there seemed to have been a shift in his attitude, and when he spoke one Sunday about learning humility, I realized I was sensing pride.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a positive impact on you?

The freedom of a new perspective (Calvinist over Arminian) was very positive, and continues to energize my life.  I learned more theology than in the previous decades I had been a Christian, especially when I was included in the first year of ReTrain for women.  Redemption Groups and the training to serve in that ministry have changed me and the way I relate to others.  I learned to be open about struggling with life, with belief, with grief -- being transparent had always terrified me, but as my theology deepened, I realize I had nothing to fear.  My identity comes from my King, not from what others think of me.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a negative impact on you?

There was an arrogance to the leadership in specific places -- not all.  In a matter of discipline over his poor communication, my husband was stripped of his position as a deacon, and the CG we led and hosted was closed.  There was no opportunity for him to apologize (even when he asked for it) and no one called to see how we were doing.  In fact, the pastor wouldn't even look me in the eye at church.  There was no redemptive factor in the whole situation, which seemed to go against what the church is about.  We transferred back to Ballard, and were welcomed, trained with love (thank you Bill Clem) and given the opportunity to work through the situation (thank you Mike Wilkerson).  It became a transformative time for my husband in spite of how poorly it was handled at the outset.

What would you like to have changed about Mars Hill?

I always felt slightly like an outsider, but put it down to my age.  (I'm over 40, considerably, and that wasn't the 'target market.')  I took a leadership role in an online group for people with food allergies, but was discouraged from actually making anything happen other than online communication -- having actual meetings was not said to be efficient use of the building because turnout was difficult to predict and sometimes small.   After three gatherings I was asked to stop scheduling them even though they served the group well.  It would have been helpful to have encouragement as I served instead of having to fight for opportunities.
I would have preferred that we have governance by a board of elected elders, of which the pastor would have one vote.  Transparent and honest financial accounting would have prevented some of the problems that closed MH's doors.    

Which describes you?

I stayed at Mars Hill through closure.

Please describe why you stayed at Mars Hill and what that experience was like.

We stayed members at MH throughout the disruption although didn't attend as frequently because my husband's 90+ year-old mother had come to live with us and wanted to attend somewhere else.  Anywhere else.  The music was too loud, the pastor wasn't loud enough at times, nothing fit for her.  We continued to attend some Sunday evenings and stayed in our CG, but took her elsewhere in the morning.  It was heart-wrenching to see the disappointment and confusion in people's eyes.  We went to Bellevue a couple of Sundays to try to communicate with Mark, to encourage him, but couldn't get near him.  

How would you describe the reason for Mars Hill's closure to an outsider.

Pride led to a downfall.  There was too much power vested in one or two men (Driscoll and Turner) and not enough accountability.  That led to actions that couldn't be justified (the Bestseller List deception and the lies about how profits were going back to MH when they actually went into funds for his family that the church would get eventually, after he died.

What's changed for you since your time at Mars Hill came to an end?

My beliefs in God are solid, but my eagerness to attend church has waned.  We are members at another church and serve faithfully, but it's much easier to consider missing a Sunday than it used to be.  I pray for the leadership who so sadly messed up something that God was using because of their pride and greed.  At the same time, I recognize that in God's sovereignty, He is using even this mess for His glory.  
I miss the music, and I miss Mark's sense of humor and unique perspective.  

Regular Attender - Ballard, Shoreline 2003-08

Gender

Female

Which describes your role at Mars Hill?

Regular Attender

What Mars Hill location(s) did you attend?

Ballard, Shoreline

What years were you involved / attending?

2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008

How did you first hear about Mars Hill?

I first attended at age 13 with my parents. Our church had just imploded, and we were searching for a new church. We had heard about a small church in Ballard with a unique name from other people who were now also church-less.

What were your first impressions?

The small church building was already bursting at the seams when we came. The people there were from a variety of ages, and we were incredibly impressed by the music and the enthusiasm of the people in attendance. We thought Mark gave a powerful sermon.

Why was Mars Hill your church home?

I mostly attended because my parents went there for many years, although I attended on my own before I went to college. I attended because I knew other young people who went there, and we liked getting coffee after church and discussing the sermon. Community with other young people was the primary reason for my attendance after age 16 or so.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a positive impact on you?

While at first my attendance at Mars Hill brought me closer to some great people, that swiftly began to change.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a negative impact on you?

I slowly watched friends and family change while attending Mars Hill. They became more paranoid about the "liberal agenda," became more homophobic and misogynistic, and much less willing to discuss any viewpoints other than the ones Mark Driscoll espoused. The men in my life became more authoritative. At a Bible camp that many of us at Mars Hill attended, a new rule was created in which women could no longer speak at all during communion, even in the very informal setting we had at camp. The women there accepted this with heavy hearts and fearful obedience.

Most of all I would say we were negatively impacted by fear. Friends of ours cut all ties with a family who disagreed with Mark on an issue. We were no longer friends with them or their children. Friendships were lost over tiny issues that shouldn't have amounted to anything. I began to feel like I wasn't as intelligent or spiritual or capable of leadership because of my gender. I began to fear the idea of marriage, because I didn't know if I would ever meet a man I could obey.

A close friend of mine married an abusive boyfriend because she thought his behavior was just that of a Christian man ruling her with Biblical authority. She is now no longer allowed to speak to me because I was considered divisive, but I have heard that she may now be suffering physical abuse.

It has taken me years to recover from this experience. Much Christian therapy at a local Lutheran church has made it so I can finally attend church and pray without fear.

What would you like to have changed about Mars Hill?

There needed to be accountability and better leadership. Women needed to be given a voice. Different opinions should have been welcomed instead of silenced.

Which describes you?

I left Mars Hill prior to closure.

Please describe why you left Mars Hill and what that experience was like.

I moved away to Bellingham for college, so I left the church in 2008.

How would you describe the reason for Mars Hill's closure to an outsider.

I would say that there were many scandals regarding money, unethical behavior, bullying leadership, and a culture of fear.

What's changed for you since your time at Mars Hill came to an end?

I have begun to realize that God loves me even though I am a woman. And that he gave me a mind and a voice, and I should be able to use them as the holy spirit leads.

Kyle - Ballard, Shoreline 2004-14

Your Name

Kyle

Gender

Male

Which describes your role at Mars Hill?

Regular Attender, Member

What Mars Hill location(s) did you attend?

Ballard, Shoreline

What years were you involved / attending?

2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014

How did you first hear about Mars Hill?

My sister introduced me to the Mars Hill podcast in 2003 when Mark was preaching through Revelation.

What was the circumstance of your first time attending Mars HIll?

Having listened online through Revelation and 1+2 Timothy I wanted to hear Mark preach live when he started Genesis in 2004.

What were your first impressions?

I was hooked. I'd heard music online so I knew it was very well done, but in person it was quite amazing -- felt like a concert. It was dark and there were large candelabras flanking the stage with burning candles; it felt "cool" yet "holy" at the same time.

It seemed... important? At the time I treated the polished production as the result of God being at work with the church.

Having just turned 18 and trying to find my place in the world, I found Mark's pounding home of topics on masculinity to resonate deeply.

Why was Mars Hill your church home?

As I heard Mark preach on topics of culture and as I read various "emerging church" books (including Radical Reformission) I was drawn to the idea of being a missionary at home and living a life engaged with culture.

I came from a very conservative/fundamentalist Christian background where culture was seen as enemy. Embracing culture as not intrinsically bad but as something to be accepted/redeemed/rejected was a useful way to make sense of the world.

I'd been very involved with the local baptist church I grew up throughout high school in, but they saw culture as an enemy and something to be at war with. So attending Mars Hill regularly and serving was "just natural" in many ways.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a positive impact on you?

While I don't think the theology at Mars Hill was particularly "freeing," it was much more so than the theology I grew up with. And that was helpful early on especially.

Coming from an incredibly conservative/fundamentalist/isolated background, Mars Hill was the first place I found friends (of which I've kept a very few).

Mark's teaching gave me a framework from which to understand the world (the framework given to me growing up did not work in "the real world"), although I'd later find that framework to be flawed and fall apart.

Early on, my career was largely built through connections made at Mars Hill.

Being able to serve on productions teams was often enjoyable and allowed me to develop skills and knowledge I wouldn't have otherwise. It also served as an early way to develop my leadership skills.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a negative impact on you?

Rampant spiritual abuse. Central to that was authoritarian theology. It touched everything including: ideas of gender, ideas of masculinity/femininity, "gender roles," relationships, church leadership, discipline, philosophical conceptions of truth/certainty/meaning, and ethics.

What would you like to have changed about Mars Hill?

Had Mars Hill been able to move away from all of the extremely authoritarian theology/ideology, it would've become a veeery different place (hopefully for the better).

Which describes you?

I left Mars Hill prior to closure.

Please describe why you left Mars Hill and what that experience was like.

WORLD broke the story of Mark buying his way onto the NYTimes bestseller list. What Mark did was extremely unethical and it bothered me deeply. What bothered me more was how few people I knew at Mars Hill saw the ethical issue -- most rushed to defend Mark.

I already had other issues such as feeling like I didn't "fit in" at Mars Hill, particularly as I saw my theological beliefs changing over the years.

After trying to have real conversations with fellow Martians for three months and finding out that so few wanted to actually engage with the issues of Mark's actions, I realized I needed to try to find a different church.

Leaving was traumatic. It broke my world. To this day I am estranged from family who stayed at Mars Hill to the end and views me as an enemy who tore down their church. Most of my friends went to Mars Hill and most of them cut off all contact with me fairly quickly; after Mark's sermon on "wolves" I was labelled one by people I had been good friends with for years. I kept thinking "surely Mark will see his error" and everything would be back to normal, but that never happened.

I remember being so excited when A29 killed out Mars Hill. "This is it, at last Mark will see his error," I thought. A few hours later when it became apparent that was not the case, I was soooo devastated. I just wanted my friends and family back. And because of their blind devotion to Mark, that meant Mark needed to publicly own his wrongs and change his ways.

How would you describe the reason for Mars Hill's closure to an outsider.

Mark and the other executive elders were highly unethical, abusive, liars, and probably crooks. Enough people saw that and wouldn't put up with it. Like the coward he is, Mark ran off (he made a stop at the bank on the way) while proclaiming his innocence.

What's changed for you since your time at Mars Hill came to an end?

Almost everything.

I spent the first 27 years of my life in the church. After leaving Mars Hill (March 2014) I spent the next ten months trying to find a new church while watching Mars Hill slowly implode. Watching from the outside, being estranged from friends and family... it was traumatic, revealing, and changed me.

Leaving Mars Hill broke my world. But, in February 2015 I realized the god that the Bible speaks of did not exist. And slowly the pieces of everything that happened at Mars Hill started fitting together for me.

I don't think Christianity is necessarily bad or evil. It gives many of my closest friends deep meaning in their lives -- as it once did me. But I no longer believe its claims must be true to provide that meaning. And while Mars Hill was only a small part of my life, the trauma of leaving Mars Hill gave me a unique opportunity to reevaluate my life and examine the claims of the Bible.

Today I'm an agnostic, although I tend to live life "as an atheist." Embracing the values of secular humanism has enabled me to rebuild my life and make sense of it.

Member - Ballard, Bellevue, Shoreline, West Seattle 2005-13

Gender

Female

Which describes your role at Mars Hill?

Member

What Mars Hill location(s) did you attend?

Ballard, Bellevue, Shoreline, West Seattle

What years were you involved / attending?

2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013

Which describes you?

I left Mars Hill prior to closure.

Please describe why you left Mars Hill and what that experience was like.

We had a baby and it was a hard season of adjustment to get to church/community groups.  

What's changed for you since your time at Mars Hill came to an end?

Sadness for a broken family of believers

Please write anything else you'd like to add.

Other than feeling very sad for this church ending I wasn't part of the big upset.  Many are feeling grieved and emotionally hurt.  Perhaps my lack of involvement sheltered me from the pain?  I think that speaks more to my Lukewarm heart for the church, not necessarily my experience with MH directly. My heart goes out to those deeply hurting.  It will take a very long time to heal those emotional wounds.

Joel Braun 2001-14

Your Name

Joel Braun

Gender

Male

Which describes your role at Mars Hill?

Group Leader (any leadership role)

What Mars Hill location(s) did you attend?

Ballard, Portland, Shoreline

What years were you involved / attending?

2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014

How did you first hear about Mars Hill?

I attended once or twice when I first moved to Seattle and it was at first pres, then did not attend any more. Went to another church and feel as though I was saved there as an adult. That church refused to do pre marital counseling for my wife and I as we hadn't been dating a year. Found a different pastor and then also found mars hill again.

What was the circumstance of your first time attending Mars HIll?

My circumstance was that I needed a church in my life that had good teaching and the sermons were hitting it quite often for me and allowing me to grow and shape my understanding.

What were your first impressions?

The teaching was great, the music was amazing

Why was Mars Hill your church home?

Because I was narrow minded in thinking I couldn't find another church family closer to home. I was convicted of that and why we left before its collapse.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a positive impact on you?

I have a wonderful relationship with my wife that we received a lot of great teaching from people through mh. I have 3 boys who challenge me, but I wouldn't have had them at my age had it not been for an amazing sermon from Paul Petry.

What about your time at Mars Hill has had a negative impact on you?

The outcome has me sad and the lies and bullshit that surfaced has me frustrated. My bitterness is no longer and by God's grace I'm free.

What would you like to have changed about Mars Hill?

Leadership was distant and relationships were shallow. Salaries were ridiculous.

Which describes you?

I left Mars Hill prior to closure.

Please describe why you left Mars Hill and what that experience was like.

I left because we wanted community with those we attend church with. MH Portland was a 20-35 min drive. We found a great church less than 10 min away and have community there as well.

How would you describe the reason for Mars Hill's closure to an outsider.

It all boils down to Sin and an unrepentant leader who refused to be under anyone's authority.

What's changed for you since your time at Mars Hill came to an end?

Church, my opinion of it and certainly my trust in leadership is a bit more reserved.